I want to have your abortion
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
