I cockslap morals
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
