What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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