If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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