If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
people are starting to question the shark bite story
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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