Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
