Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
