and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
