As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize