I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You are a genius and a whore.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
