who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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