We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
