While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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