my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
