should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have fence marks all over my body
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize