Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
