I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
