She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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