I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
