we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
