I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
