dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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