Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
