Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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