He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
