this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
