Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
