Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
