She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
