I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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