Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
