The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you made out with another girl for some wings
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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