the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
