listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i think i have two assholes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
