Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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