They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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