Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
