the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
