Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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