we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Still dying that you shit outside
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So much Jack, so little girl.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize