did you get engaged???
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
