i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
