rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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