I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you win again, gameday.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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