he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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