y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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