her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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