were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
