I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
