the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
