I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
