Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
