He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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