i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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