She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
