When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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