i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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