I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
