My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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