Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
