Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
