It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
