the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
love makes seman taste better
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize