Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
