Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
