I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
