Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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