Can i not drive my cunt home
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
