I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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