Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
