So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
time to smoke my breakfast
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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