dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
