Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
