the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
