Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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