his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
