just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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