You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
