id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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