I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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