I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
