I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
