Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
