Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
