just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
