Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
