i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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