I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
