She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
