Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
