life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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