I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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