guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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