After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize