is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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