is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
