My room smells like vodka and shame
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the day after is always just damage control
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
