Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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