Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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