so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
