I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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