i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
