so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
