If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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