I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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