apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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