There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You took a bar mat shot.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
