Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
