The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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