In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
