Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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